Allison’s Eclectic Expatiation

The ab fab video Lainey made of the Ingrid Michaelson concert!

I love the library.  I love going to “check out”, being able to take home a STACK of books and CD’s, and not have to hand over any type of payment.  Getting stuff for free = nice.

I love having a car.

I love Sam Adams Summer Ale.  It is so fucking delicious, I can’t stand it.  I also love margaritas, and on some level, I love the hot hot weather that allows me to drink all of these without feeling like an alcoholic.

I love being single.

I love The Beatles.  They make everything better.

I love my new pink hair, and how it makes me feel.

I love being appreciated, the rare times that it happens.

I love Nellie McKay, Eisley, Beach Boys “Pet Sounds”, Bo Pepper, and Ingrid Michaelson, to name a few.

I love all of my good friends, the old ones, and all the truly amazing new ones I’ve been making lately.

“You should make one that says ‘I only listen to mainstream music, because that’s what everyone else wants me to do.’ “

I’ve got 3 beers in me.

I suck.  I try to be a good person, but I’m selfish, and I hurt people.

I AM a good person. But I’m still selfish.

I’m very conflicted, and a tad drunk.

I make stupid decisions.

To those I am about to hurt, I’m sorry.

For those I already hurt today, by pushing them to complete things faster than their natural process, I’m sorry.

i have so little patience for people who are selfish and undeserving of my affection, yet I hold on longer than I should.  And when people are kind…

I don’t know yet.

My thoughts are conflicting greatly with one another.

I need another beer.

I love Wikipedia. So many people scoff at it, since just anyone can go in and add whatever they want. But in my experience, all the info has been pretty accurate.

Anyways, I think it’s a great way to learn about things and people. And a LOT of times, there is stuff there that isn’t anywhere else. I’ve been known to spend hours exploring assorted topics. Jordan used to tease me about the train of thought I went through while reading about different topics, where I would start by reading something about Jenna Fischer from The Office, and ending up reading about the history of the Griffith Observatory (true story). If I need to settle a bet, I turn to Wikipedia. J would yell “Wikipedia doesn’t know EVERYTHING”. I did not, shall not, listen. I love you Wikipedia, even if people try to fuck with your credibility, and even when my professors refuse to let me cite you as a source in my papers, my love stay steadfast and true.  Today’s points of interest.

The Beatles – They often cited the Beach Boy’s “Pet Sounds” as key inspiration for “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club” (one of my favorites.), and apparently, as Brian Wilson viewed The Beatles as his artistic rivals, the release of “Sgt Pepper” was part of what compelled him to live in complete solitude in his bedroom for 3 months.

(Sgt. Pepper was also originally a concept album, though that idea sort of petered out mid production.  This leads me to wonder about Green Day’s “American Idiot”, which, wasn’t that supposed to be a concept album, or “rock opera”?  Though a good album, I never really did get the “storyline” (those quotes are used mockingly, I assure you.)

Brian Wilson – Did you know he won a Grammy for an instrumental song called “Mrs. O’Leary’s Cow (Fire)”?  My dad is from Chicago, and he taught me a song that kids used to sing about the Great Chicago Fire when he was younger:

“Late one night when we were all in bed

Oh Mrs. Leary left/ her lantern in the shed/

And when the cow kicked it over/she winked her eye and said

“It’ll be a hot time/ in the old town/ tonight.”

FIRE!! FIRE!! FIRE!!!”

Yoko Ono – her whole fucking Wikipedia page is crazy.  It’s like a novel.

There is nothing quite like seeing an artist you really like live in concert to make you fall in love with them all over again.

On Tuesday, Lainey and I went to the El Rey in Los Angeles to see Ingrid Michaelson in concert.

We got there really fucking early. (there is pending video of she and I standing outside the theatre, and NO ONE else there.)  But we got to spend some time together, I bought some hair dye, and we saved $15, because we were able to get street parking.  Woo!!

We wandered around a bit.  Did you know that Jeff Foxworthy has his own line of BEEF JERKY?!

It’s, like, he’s a parody of himself.

Anyways, we waited…

and waited.

and waited (this is when we get REALLY bored.)

Finally, concert time!!!

Greg Laswell went on first. Very soulful, but very funny and self deprecating. He looks a lot like Lainey’s Geo.

Not as much in person, but on stage there was a striking resemblance.

Ingrid really is an amazing live performer. Pitch perfect and beautiful. Charismatic and enjoyable to watch. Elaine and I both took some great pictures of her, that you can see on my flickr page and hers. But here are a couple.

Afterwards, we stuck around to meet her, and we were able to.

I’m sad that I seem cursed to not take a good picture with any artists I admire (there is an equally awful one of me and Sara Bareilles.) Elaine also about lost her mind when she saw Katherine McPhee there as well.

Either way, it was a great night, and I had a blast. Unfortunately, because we were so close to the stage (practically ON it.), the sound quality of the videos I took is extremely poor. But here’s a little taste from someone else who was at the concert.

Amazing.

Today I was talking to a coworker about nerdiness.  He complimented my new pink-dyed ends, saying I look like an animae character.  When I told him I didn’t actually WATCH anime, he was aghast.  He goes on, asking me:

do you play video games?

read manga?

cosplay?

comic books?

tabletop?

And so forth.  To all of which, my answer was NO.

JoEric
sometimes i feel that you do.
haha
allison
im just nerdy in other ways
JoEric
maybe thats what it is.
i sense you’re a nerd, but not the nerd im use to.

So I laid out in great deal, HOW, exactly, I am a nerd.  And it struck me as so funny and telling about the type of person I am, I decided to post it here:

I love absurd comedy, especially sketch shows like “Mr Show with Bob and David” and “Kids in the Hall”, BOTH of which I will quote endlessly.  I love “The Critic” for it’s one liners, and grew up reading “The Far Side” comics by Gary Larson.  Anyone who knows what “Blah, blah, blah, Ginger” means, I will love for all eternity.

I love musicals.  I find them perfect in every single way, and to this day can sing along with every number from “Damn Yankees” or “The Music Man”.

I cannot dance.

I loved bowling before it became popular or “trendy”.  I suck at bowling.  I love trash-talk, and seem to do it the most when I’m playing a game I suck at.  A game like bowling.

I will TOTALLY jump on a good “Your mom” or “Thats what SHE said” joke if the opportunity, and then laugh gleefully at my own cleverness.

I love rabbits.  I think they are cuter than puppies and babies.  I will freak the fuck out if I see a bunny.  Because I’m 5.

In my spare time, I read a lot, and I knit.  I get cranky when I’m tired, and I yell at my neighbors kids for being too loud.  Because I’m 80.

last night and today have been my angry moments.

I think about happy times, and I’m mad.  I’m mad because they are tarnished now.  I’m mad that now I’m finding out what some people thought of our relationship, and however misguided their opinions are (and some of them definitely are), I’m mad about that too.  Not mad AT anyone, just mad in general.

I’m mad that the person who claims to love me so much, couldn’t love me enough to feel invested in the simple act of being with me.

I’m mad that you are making me feel all of this.  I don’t want to hate you.  I don’t want to have all these conflicting feelings.  Part of me thinks it would be easier to just be sad.  How funny, I always thought that it would be easier to be angry.  Shows how much I know.

All I know is, I’m now second guessing every molecule of something that used to be immensely precious to me.  That makes me the most angry.  The fact is, we had something special, and you took it for granted and threw it away.  I guess I just expected better of you.

It won’t always be this way.  hell, it may not be this way tomorrow.  This is not me burning bridges or cutting ties.  This is simply me needing to let these feelings escape me before my chest explodes.  I still love you, and know you still love me a lot.  These are just the stages that one goes through.  I really believed in us.  It’s kind of like finding out there is no Santa Claus.  And when that something (the entity, the relationship, not a particular person necessarily.) lets you down, it hurts.  And it’s hard to find your faith again.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stages_of_grief

Currently reading : “Slaughter-House Five” by Kurt Vonnegut

My moment of zen: sitting on the balcony of a lovely house, staring out at the ocean.

I should feel fortunate that this is available to me.  And I do.  But I know what awaits me when this weekend is over.

I go back to a home, to a city full of memories.  Every street corner, shop, and my own apartment is wrought with memories that are bittersweet.  And while I am enjoying my weekend escape, as a getaway and a chance to take care of Allison… I am all too aware of what awaits me, and am scared that I am only prolonging the inevitable sadness.

I took certain things off the walls as quickly as he had left.  I knew it would be easier to deal with that in the moment rather than deal with it later.  However, I know that there is a part of me that has not quite processed everything, and I am dreading the expected emotional punch in the gut.  I just hope it comes quickly, and there is alcohol or a close friend close by.  Preferably both.

My last post spoke to timing.  Timing was definitely a factor in this.  Timing was not on “our” side.  Maybe it will be again, someday, but I need to force myself to not think of the possible “someday”, or I will never truly recover.  There is a good chance we HAD our time.  And it was nothing short of beautiful.  But the clock keeps ticking, whether we like it or not.

Timing may have been on MY side though.  I’m not in school at this moment.  Nothing, other than work, is expected of me.  I have 2 more months of minimal responsibilities before school starts again, and my bookbag will be heavy enough without too much emotional baggage.

I don’t entirely know what to expect, and what the future will bring.  I have no clue how easy or hard this is going to be, because I am so different than I was the last time we went through this, and I’m trying to hold myself together with class and strength, which was not done 2 years ago.  I have yet to truly see how much this is going to hurt.

So for now, I’m enjoying not being in Valley, which is 20 degrees hotter, and where my love sleeps.  I’m happy that I am around people who care for me, but will leave me be.  And I’m grateful for silence at this very moment in time, and a beautiful ocean view laid out in front of me.

I was talking to my good friend the other day, and the subject of her boyfriend came up (as girly conversations tend to.  Ya whatever.  Don’t judge.)

Anyways, they are a great couple.  I can honestly say that they both seem to have changed for the better since being in each other’s lives (though I can say that more about her than him, since I didn’t know him personally before they started dating).  they are immensely committed to one another, which is something that is rare, at least when it happens and I a) actually BUY it, and b) I don’t find it easily mock-able.

There is a decent sized age difference between them, 8 years.  Not a lot in the grand scheme of things, but when you are in your 20’s and 30’s, it seems like a lot.  Anyways, we were talking about that age difference, and how he had been in high school.  He’s a brilliant guy, one of the smartest people I’ve ever met, he gets almost all A’s in college.  But according to her, he was the slacker musician type back in high school, didn’t really take school seriously.  i teased her about how she wouldn’t have even looked at him when she was in high school.  I knew her in high school, and she was an A student, honor roll, lead in all the plays.  She looked up her nose at the slackers, the people that were too cool for school, no matter HOW cute they were.  She liked preppies.  And he probably would have found her stuck up and prissy.  Yet, I have never seen two people in my age bracket who are more in love.

Anyways, it got me thinking about timing.  Maybe it’s because I am dealing with certain relationship issues of my own right now, but I found it so interesting.  In another time, in another place, do people still work?  It certainly holds the idea of soul mates up to a microscope.  It makes you think about concepts like “meant to be”, or even “a perfect fit”.  How much of relationships or even love have to do with timing alone.  And if timing plays so big a part, how can “I take thee, forever and ever”, be realistic?

This must come across as so jaded, which is not it’s intent.  On the contrary, I wonder what one does when they find someone who they fit with, so perfectly, yet timing, environment, and past mistakes seem to slowly make cracks in the relationship?  How does someone move past that and see that, in spite of all previously mentioned barriers?  Or when do they see timing and something you can’t fight, like city hall, and agree to fall victim to it?

Wow, this is waaayy too Carrie Bradshaw for my comfort level.