Allison’s Eclectic Expatiation

Once in a while I get into my head some very specific items I want to own, clothing and fashion wise.  Sometimes I think it would just be the finishing touch on an outfit or dress, or just staples that I think would suit whatever I’m trying to pass off as my “style” these days (though I swear, if I was 20 pounds thinner, and didn’t have these giant boobs atop my chest, I would probably be much more edgy in my fashion choices.)

Since my birthday is coming up, I figured I’d write my clothing wish list of things I probably won’t end up getting.

Yellow heels

I want this color, this shape (these legs, but, ya know, I’m being realistic.)  I cannot find them ANYWHERE.  I like the rounded toe, whereas a lot of these banana yellow heels usually come with a pointed heel, which I HATE.

They are just so cheerful!  I think shoes like this just brighten up any outfit.  Plus, I have this really amazing pink and gold striped American Rag dress that I always want to wear, but never have the shoes for, and I think <——-these would go perfect with it.

If you find a pair somewhere, buy them for me and I swear I will pay you back.  And hug you.  And probably make you cookies.

2.  Olive green messenger bag
This just seems like me.  All purpose, kinda funky, but clean looking and (as long as I don’t get it dirty).  That red star on this one is removable (which is good, I don’t want people thinking I’m a Commie).

Right now I carry a giant leather purse that contains, at any given moment, my makeup case, organizer, at LEAST 1-2 books, ipod, phone, assorted papers, my wallet, and a “wild card” item (today it was a solitary whole wheat tortilla in a plastic bag).  I used to carry around an old Dickies messenger bag, and while not the most stylish thing in the world, MAN was it convenient, especially when I rode a bicycle.  I also loved having both my arms free.  However, it was dirty, bright red, and went with nothing.  This is at least cute and edgy, right?

I can just picture myself in a sundress with flip flops and a cardigan, rocking this bag.  It doesn’t quite match, but it works anyways.  Because I’m Allison.  I have red hair.  I’m outside the box, god dammit! (At least, thats how I would like to view myself in this scenario.)

3.  Black espadrilles

My mom used to have a pair of black espadrilles when I was younger that I absolutely LOVED to wear.  I thought they were so classy looking, and my favorite part was lacing them high up on my legs, like a ballerina:

Anyways, it would be nice to own a pair.  They would go really nicely with any of my black sundresses, or specifically…

4.  Cigarette pants

Not quite capris, DEFINITELY not the dreaded skinny jeans.  Check it:

There’s a difference.  The trick to these pants for the, ahem, curvier gal is you REALLY need to find a pair that fit in all the right places.  No easy feat, and I actually HAD a really great pair that fit me very nicely, but I lost about 10-15 pounds after going veggie, and now they just look like dumpy ill-fitting black pants.

So you wanna hear how girls are very foolish sometimes? I bought a knit black wife beater from Target a couple months ago, for about 10 dollars. But guess what? You walk 20 feet over to the mens section of Target and get 4 of the EXACT SAME SHIRT for the exact same price as ONE women’s shirt.

excuse the teenage-girl-posing-in-the-mirror-in-the-bathroom-shot, but I wanted to show how awesome they are (they are really long, like tunics).

Also cheaper if you buy the man brand; shaving cream. I am not too proud to shave my legs with something that says “Beard Buster” on it.

Since I’ve been staying with my mother for the entire course of my vegan-ism, she has been able to see the transition in all it’s green leafy glory.  And honestly, considering I’m staying with her, rent-free, and taking up space in her refrigerator with my food, she has been very supportive of my lifestyle change, never once criticizing or trying to change my mind, just as I try not to force my opinions on her (though when I do, it’s less cruelty-free related, and more health-related, because I want her to stick around and nag me for a very long time).

Anyways, she mentioned a few days ago that she thought she might be interested in trying to go vegan for 2 weeks, as an experiment.  Then she said she was only going to go vegetarian.  Now it seems to have settled somewhere around “I wont eat meat, and I’ll TRY to go vegan for the 2 weeks, but I’m not making any promises”.

Mom’s Vegan Experiment from Allison Rabbit on Vimeo.

I said I would help plan her meals for her, since I know that if I don’t, she’ll end up just grabbing a chicken Lean Cuisine on her way out the door. So I bought her some vegetarian chili, and left her this note on the counter:

I am nothing if not a supportive daughter And I’ll be tracking the experiment here as well, so that perhaps the tips and tricks I show Mom might help others who are considering a veggie lifestyle. And if it fails…well, it’ll be kinda entertaining at least.

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Mom Quote of the Day

Me: Those frogs are creepy looking.

Mom: It looks like a frog sarcophagus.

I am a bundle of nervous energy. Anxious. Antsy. Aggravated. And those are just the A’s, I could go on all night. If I didn’t already have a training session in less than 12 hours, I would hop into my car, drive to my 24 hour gym and try to burn this energy off somehow. I’ve tried jumping jacks, weighing myself down with food… nothing seems to work. I can’t lay down, there is nothing to distract myself with on the internet, no one I want to talk to is awake, and I don’t want to talk on the phone. I want to drive somewhere, get out of this little room I very literally LIVE in, day in, day out, over and over again, with only brief respites of occasional time spent with friends, or going to the gym, or the (very) rare interview.

I was in a decent mood, and then all of the sudden, got hit with this frighteningly strong wave of loneliness, helplessness, nausea… this intense feeling of displacement, or the want of it. This nervous, non-productive energy that is impossible to be channeled into anything other than driving me slowly insane.

I HATE THIS.

I repeat for the millionth time, I want my goddamn life back. This has gone on too long. My life is pointless right now. I have no job, no school this semester, no money to try and explore other hobbies, passions. All I do every single day is job hunt, go to the gym, occasionally go over to a friends, occasionally hike (and THAT is starting to lose it’s calming effects on me as well.)

I wish I owned a punching bag.

I was reading some old blogs today (out of boredom, introspection, etc.), and at one point I state that, in reference to someone I hate, that I want them to be so down on their luck that they have to “suck cock for a sandwich”.

Geez.  I’m an angry little person sometimes, aren’t I?

There are days when this song fits where my brain is, so much that I want to cry, and occasionally do:

Words I’ve been using a lot

Oy (the smidge of Jew coming out)

Clusterfuck (usually in regards to the fabulous LA traffic.)

Okey-doke (once, I even said Okily dokely, a’la Ned Flanders)

Awesome

Places You Can Find Me These Days

Fryman Canyon

Right now, the weather is perfect. Not too hot, not too cold. Everything is lovely and in bloom. I just love spring. And I find that, exercise aside, I’m happiest these days when I’m outside. There are so many little side paths, its great for exploring and just getting lost in your thoughts. I’m getting my less hiking inclined friends to go with me, even!

Today I did Runyon Canyon, which kicked my ass in a severe way.  This was my first time there, but my friends decided they wanted to climb up the exceptionally steep hill.  Fingers grasping at dirt and rocks, using every fiber of my strength to walk up this unsteady rocky slope…finally, I DID IT.

And of course, handled my achievement with the grace and maturity that I am known for:

I climbed that, bitches!!

Being outside has been having a wonderful effect on me lately.  My allergies haven’t been hitting me as they normally do this time of year, so the simple act of being outdoors makes me extraordinarily happy.  While I have this downtime, I’ve been trying to take walks or go to Fryman as much as possible.  It’s very therapeutic.

What is NOT therapeutic?  The Battlestar Galactica series finale.

***WARNING: NERD RANT AHEAD****

What started off as a great episode, full of wonderful action scenes and great human emotion suddenly, an hour in, seemed, mediocre.  I’ve already discussed this episode ad nauseum with my friends, so I won’t get into a play by play recap of it.  But suffice it to say, I feel like they wrote checks all season long that their ass could not cash.  Or as Jordan said:

” ‘Kara Thrace, you are the harbinger of death, you will lead them all to their doom’  yeah, so what about that?”

They set up these elaborate storylines, and then couldn’t wrap them up in an intelligent, thought provoking manner.  It’s like Ron Moore realized that he had the final script due, and just threw together a haphazard final hour.

So depressing, and not at all worthy an ending to what was always a multi-faceted show.

Windy, quiet Sunday

Will be posting an actual post soon (I’m starting to proofread and edit so my posts don’t seem quite so slapped together, even though they usually are.)

But in the meantime, I bring you “The Music Man”

This movie always puts me in an immensely good mood. The fact that I don’t own it, or the soundtrack, is a travesty.

“I always feel this pressure of being a strong and independent icon of womanhood, and not making it look like my whole life is revolving around some guy…but loving someone, and being loved, means so much to me. I always make fun of it and stuff…but isn’t everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?”

-Before Sunrise

When I watched this movie today, and heard these words, it was like being punched in the gut.  I connected with it on such a deep level, that I rewatched the scene several times until I got it down.

The Road by Cormac McCarthy

My review

rating: 5 of 5 stars
A friend and I were having a very spirited discussion about books and movies the other day. I was complaining about lack of exposition in books/movies. It wasn’t enough for me to hear the story and the actions, I wanted motivation, I wanted to know WHY the villian/hero/killer did what they did. I wanted backstory.

He explained to me that with some stories (specifically slasher movies, his favorite genre.), getting hung up on an ultimate motivation would ultimately cause me to miss out on the most important part of the story: the journey.

So I heeded his advice when reading this book, and I’m glad I did.

You find it little about what happened before, and nothing in regards to what led to this apocalypse. But ultimately, thats not what this story is about. It’s about love and survival and (at the risk of sounding immensely cheesy) the limits of the human spirit.

It was a beautiful and moving book, with descriptives so clearly imagined, its as if I could see the road, the forest and the beach laid out in front of me.

This is my first Cormac McCarthy book, and I will definitely be reading more by him.

View all my reviews.

Lately I’ve been suffering from particularly bad dreams. Now, I have bad or unpleasant dreams from time to time like anyone, but it seems I have them every night, and they almost always wake me up out of a sound sleep.

Most of them are auto-accident related. Someone warned me about a month ago that, even though I wasn’t having them at the time, I should prepare myself for dreams about the accident later on. Apparently, she was in a car accident some years ago, and it wasn’t until a month after the fact that she started having bad dreams. I dismissed it at the time (I had one bad dream the night right after the accident, and then never again), but then, last week, they started.

First one was about me driving off a bridge into a body of water. Others are not specific enough for me to remember, other than I’m driving a car and something bad happens, whether it be a full blown accident or just me not being able to control the wheel and being terrified.

Now, in ADDITION to those dreams, I’m having other, equally bad, non car-related dreams. About death, violence and misfortune befalling myself and my loved ones (even including my dog). Of people being unnecessarily cruel to me. Of losing things that are important to me.

Most of them are not that difficult to decipher. I’m pretty clear on the things in life that are plaguing me at this moment in time. But still…having a dream where someone you know treats you in a particularly horrendous manner, and then talking to that person in reality the next day is hard to completely ignore. These dreams are constant, and putting a definite pall over my general mindset. Not to mention the difficulty of being able to fall back asleep after being woken up in such an unpleasant fashion (as I write this, it is 4:00 am, and I have been up since 2:28 am. Thank god I don’t have a job to be at in a couple hours.)

Perhaps it’s all the TV/movies/books that have a apocalyptic theme running through them (Battlestar Galactica, Metropolis, The Road) that is affecting my subconscious so. I should probably watch some Disney movies, and read some chick lit. But none of my dreams have involved the world ending. I DID dream about people I know being Cylons, but I chalk that up to when I was watching 7 episodes a day of BSG.

I don’t know. Maybe my brain is just overly stressed. A friend told me the other day that I’m too “impatient” and “intense”. Sadly, he’s not the first person who has told me lately that I need to calm the fuck down. I find it sadly ironic that my parents both seem to think I’m this lazy “let the chips fall where they may” type of person, whereas most of my friends think I need to lighten the hell up, and not grasp things so tightly, and not try to control things so much.

Either way, I just know I would really like to be able to sleep through the night.

Allison…

…is eating too many sugar free popsicles.

…is constantly creeped out by human tongues.

…wants a pet pig, rabbit, or monkey.

…would like to learn how to play the ukulele.

…loves The Worthless Peons (actually called “The Blanks”) from Scrubs

…wants to go on a hike tomorrow, who’s with me?

…admires many people, but is too afraid to meet any of them, lest they think she is a moron.

…is running out of money (-$7 in checking), groceries (I’m rationing quinoa and tofu), and patience.

…needs to step awaaaaay from the computer. Seriously.