i don’t want to be THAT girl…

take whatever assumptions from that title you care to.  They are probably allll right.  Other than “amazing”, “witty”, “charming”… I do want to be that girl.  🙂

But while I’m having fun and enjoying my new, well, life… I don’t want to lose sight of who I am and what’s important.  I don’t want to have fun, and forsake common sense.  I don’t want to hurt people in the process of finding myself.  I don’t want to take old and new friends for granted. (Though I have been feeling a tad neglected by some old friends lately.)

So far, I have not done any of these things.  But when you are in a relationship… things are a lot safer.  When I entered my relationship, I was 19, I was young, with no car, no real responsibilities, and awesome hair.  I was a fucking barista!

Now I’m 23, I have scads of responsibilities, a lot more freedom and options available to me.  I also have school to focus on (as I SLLLOOWWWWLLLY chip away at it), I have more common sense (I think so.), and more experience in regards to how humans are.  (My hair is still FABULOUS, though.  Whew!)

It’s a little odd.  It’s like being in a time machine.  In 19 year old Allison land, where I didn’t really know a lot, was emotionally wrought, not knowing where I was going (and not really CARING where I was going), and desperately lonely, and my whole world was doeshelikemedoeshelikemedoeshelikeme and I want a boyyyyfriend!!!! and other obnoxious shit.  I dated (mostly for the wrong reasons), and then I met Jordan.  And those were all the right reasons.  For awhile anyways.

FAST FORWARD TO 23 year old Allison.  Her feathers are a little less ruffled than before.  Less bridges are burned than before.  I care a great deal where the hell I’m heading (I feel so OLD.), and the idea of having a boyfriend could not sound less appealing (for the first time in my life.)

This isn’t really a complaint.  I’m not whining or crying or bragging.  I’m just sort of stepping back, looking at where I am right now and going “huh.  How bout that?”

I’m observing.

I’m glad I’m exploring things and doing things a little against the Allison grain.  But as I said before, I don’t want to completely lose sight of who I am.





oh, and Jeff, you dont need to comment on EVERY single blog 🙂


~ by Alli on Thursday, July 3, 2008.

One Response to “i don’t want to be THAT girl…”

  1. Look at it this way…at least you still have awesome hair! 😛

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