Allison is pissed

Pissed at the fact that it is taking her so long to find a job.

Pissed that she isn’t losing weight.

Pissed that no one seems to REALLY care about her, with the exception of maybe 4 people.

Pissed at the friends who claim to love her so much, who only contact her when they want something or are bored (and this statement is directed at a few people.)

Pissed that things don’t seem to get better, only getting worse.

Pissed at herself for allowing so much stuff to happen in her past relationship.

Pissed that after all her hard work, she is back at square one.

Pissed that when she is this upset, she can’t even be productive or focus on anything else.  She is just mad, and has to sit there and stew in it until it goes away.

Pissed that she cares so much, and wishes she could just say “fuck it”.

 

After a certain point of feeling bad about myself, sad, lonely, etc, I just get angry.  I blast the music, drive too fast, and try not to burst into tears.  I’m angry that nothing in my life seems to be going right, and that I’m letting everything upset me this much.  I’m embarrassed that I had to spend the last 6 hours with my father’s friends, with nothing interesting to say about myself, and tell them all that I was unemployed and living with my mother.  I can’t speak to my closest confidante in the same way I used to, and it wouldn’t help anyways, because talking about it is just going to make me more upset.  I have no social life, no projects, no dates, no ANYTHING.  Nothing to keep me occupied or happy or distracted.  My books can only work so much.  Honestly, pounding on the keys on my keyboard has been the closest thing to a release I’ve had all day, other than driving 90 mph on the freeway home.

I’m mad as hell, at people, at myself, at this whole goddamn situation.  And the fact that I can’t do a damn thing about it just makes me more so.

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~ by Alli on Saturday, September 27, 2008.

2 Responses to “Allison is pissed”

  1. breathe

  2. Listen to that dude.

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