I’d like to introduce you to… My Mom.

My mom is cute when she's being eaten by a plastic fish.

The woman, not the fish.


*My mother is the oldest of 5 children in an Irish Catholic family. She is a caretaker and protector, it’s just who she is. To this day, she meets my friends, who are in their 20’s, like me, and she tries to help them, whether by clipping out a magazine article she thinks they’ll like, or helping expedite their phone service.

*My mother loves velour. I don’t know why. Nothing “dates” you like velour. There is no way you can wear velour and NOT look old, unless you are 7 years old, or one of those matching pastel track suits with “Juicy” emblazoned upon your rear end.
The thing is, my mom looks really good for her age (today, she turns 55 years old.), and part of me thinks that she plays up the velour love just to taunt me “Ooh, Alli, a bunch of velour tracksuits just came in at Kohls!” “No, mom, NO MORE VELOUR!”. However, there is a part of me that knows when she is no longer around, I probably won’t be able to throw away any of the 50 pairs of identical black velour pants. And I guess I should just be happy that her regrettable leopard print fascination has passed.

*Despite her sometimes questionable fashion choices, she has a beautiful eye for color and decoration. Her whole house looks as if it was professionally designed, full of color while still looking together. She loves looking at houses, styles, paint etc. When I was little, every outing with her would result in us taking the “scenic route” on the way back so she could look at/show me houses that she liked. I personally don’t think she will ever be done fixing up the house she has now, as she always has new ideas.  Unless she sells the house like she’s been threatening to do, and moves to North Carolina.  MOM, DON’T MOVE TO NORTH CAROLINA.

*She loves giving people and animals nicknames.  In my lifetime, I’ve been called “Allibird”, “AlliMouse”, “Baby Bunny”, and assorted others.  Her boyfriend is “Eddie-Bear”.  Zoe, her dog, is “Zoe-Bear”, “Zo-Bug”, and my personal favorite, in honor of our new President, “Zobama”.  It should be noted that she wanted a tiny black dog because it “matched the majority of her clothing”.

*Her nickname I call her is “Equality USA”, because she is probably one of the most color blind people I know. She thinks everyone should get a fair shake, and refuses to listen to any prejudices or stereotypes (even the ones that are kinda valid), and as a result, gains respect from everyone in her (very diverse) office. However, sometimes she doesnt act like the tiny, 5’1 pale redhead she actually is. Just this morning, she was recounting a story in which the phrase, “Bitch, are you crazy?” was invoked. But she didn’t sound like she was trying to be black. She just sounded like her. And it was hilarious.  She also loves Snoop Dog. *shrugs*

*As much as she is “Equality USA”, if you get her in a good enough mood, she can be incredibly snarky, like me. And it’s AWESOME. Whether talking about what some woman is wearing, or wanting to egg the neighbors “Yes on 8” sign, she can be so incredibly biting that I just want to give her a hug. It’s rare when it comes out, but when it does, it’s so pitch perfect and hilarious that I just want to pull up a chair.

*When engaged to my father, she wanted a ruby instead of a diamond.  She got it. Even though they divorced, she changed the setting and continues to wear it to this day. When I asked her why she still wore, she was like “Duh, it’s a RUBY.”

*She loves reality television, the trashier the better.  Current favorites include Dog the Bounty Hunter, I Love Money.  As she gets older, she gives into her guilty pleasures (intellectually) more and more.  I give her crap about it, and then we go to the museum, and she knows something about everything, and the medium that every piece was made in. And I think, “ya, mom just schooled me.” She was an English major at UCLA for 3 years before transferring to CSUN for her final year. She worked full time AND went to school full time. Needless to say, my whining about my class load while working usually falls on deaf ears, and is met with an “Are you kidding me?” look.

She’s an enigma, to say the least. And while there was a dark period in our relationship, I look at her today, and she is the mom that I looked up to and aspired to be like when I was young.

From her I get my love of rabbits, liberal views, The Beatles, spicy food, and  literature. She gave me sass, wit, a stubborn ball busting nature, and intelligence, as well as the red hair and giant boobs to back it all up. 🙂  I learned how to create art, appreciate beauty in simple things, and stand up for myself and what I believe in.

She may not entirely get me, and I may not always understand her, but she continues to surprise and amaze me every day.  Me living with her temporarily these past couple months has given me the chance to get to know her better, not just as my mom, but a fascinating woman.

Mom's feet hurt.

I am who I am because of who you are. I love you, Mom. Happy Birthday.

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~ by Alli on Thursday, November 6, 2008.

One Response to “I’d like to introduce you to… My Mom.”

  1. For some reason, this post made me a little teary-eyed. Maybe it’s because now that I’m not living with her, I’ve been missing my mom more and more. Or maybe it’s because I’ve been through so much with you and your mom-it really makes me so happy that the two of you are doing better, relationship-wise. I love this post. And I love the both of you.

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