marriage is crazypants

I don’t really plan on ever getting married.

Most of my close friends know this about me. It’s not that I’m adamantly against it, I just don’t think it is something for me, and I think that as a society, we don’t take it seriously enough. My generation has a frighteningly short attention span, and I don’t think making a decision about the rest of their life on such a grand scale is something that we are really capable of. Mind you, this is not all-encompassing, but I feel it describes the majority.

I was watching “Frida” today, and upon hearing Tina Modotti’s wedding toast, I found that I agreed with almost everything she said, and how she said it.

“I don’t believe in marriage. No, I really don’t. Let me be clear about that. I think at worst it’s a hostile political act, a way for small-minded men to keep women in the house and out of the way, wrapped up in the guise of tradition and conservative religious nonsense. At best, it’s a happy delusion – these two people who truly love each other and have no idea how truly miserable they’re about to make each other. But, but, when two people know that, and they decide with eyes wide open to face each other and get married anyway, then I don’t think it’s conservative or delusional. I think it’s radical and courageous and very romantic. To Diego and Frida”

I think those are wise words.  The only way to go into marriage is with the knowledge that things will be difficult, that you will probably want out at some point during it, that you are chaining yourself to this person for the rest of your life (especially if you choose to have children with them.), which is kind of a crazy concept anyways, if you think about it….and the only reason to GET married is knowing and acknowledging everything previously mentioned, but knowing that not being able to spend the rest of your life with the other person and call them yours would be infinitely more painful.


~ by Alli on Sunday, January 11, 2009.

9 Responses to “marriage is crazypants”

  1. I completely disagree with that quote.

    For one thing, I agree with the fact that knowing that marriage is going to be difficult-that I can wrap my head around. But to say, that you know (deep down) that you’ll make them miserable for the rest of their lives? I certainly hope that’s NOT what either of us are thinking when Geo and I get married. Marriage has it’s ups and downs, just like any other relationship. It’s about accepting those things, yes…but certainly not with the idea that you’re about to make the other person miserable for all of eternity. I think because marriage has failed us in the past, this idea has formed in many people’s heads that marriage is a “happy delusion” which itself is an oxy-moron. But really, it’s the people who have failed in it-that cause other people to feel that way. To kind of pull them on their side.

    Now you know, I have no problem with you not wanting to get married. I totally understand with where you’re coming from. I just don’t believe that that quote is the best quote to sum up a marriage.

  2. i should clarify… that quote just seems to sum up MY feelings about marriage well. For ME to decide to marry someone, I would have to know and acknowledge these things. and if I did know all this, and know that being able to call this person my husband would make everything else worth it… well, then I would know THEY were the person I wanted to marry.

  3. Dude – I agree with you. The ONLY way I’m getting married would be with the knowledge that if this goes badly and we hate each other – it’s going to be over. lol.

    And, I would punch any guy who gave me an engagement ring. Yeah…um…you ain’t buying me sucka. Not to mention, you think I wanna run around “marked” while you’re running around ring free? I don’t think soooo. 😛

  4. well, Hales, I dont totally agree with you either… see, I don’t want to get divorced. I mean, I’m glad that people are able to, and don’t stay in unhappy horrible marriages “for the children” or for religious reasons. But I think too many people go into marriage thinking, “well, if it doesn’t work out, we can always get a divorce”. I don’t want to get divorced. And I dont want to take vows saying “for the rest of my life” when I mean “for the forseeable future”.

    As far as a ring, thats your own personal choice. :O If your biggest concern is them not running around with a ring, then they are probably a dog, and why are you marrying someone like that anyways?

  5. Well, no one wants to get a divorce-obviously. They are messy and sad and far harder than just breaking up. However, there is a belief that since it is “forever”, many people will stay in dysfunctional and/or abusive and/or plain unhappy marriages, because that is what you are “supposed to do.” I DON’T think people run immediately for divorce or else it would be an easier thing to do. So, were I married, I would want to ensure an easy divorce IF IT CAME TO THAT – prenup and all. It is far easier to be prepared for disaster when you love each other than deal with disaster when it happens. It has nothing to do with how much you love each other or that you’re expecting to divorce. It’s being safe. I disagree with you that people go into getting married with a “We can just get a divorce.” I mean – if you are marrying for status or wealth, I am sure it does. But, for people who get married “for love” – in my experience, it rarely crosses their minds. I’ve done a few divorces for my friends and even when they hate their soon to be ex spouse, it is an excruciating process for them.

    The ring thing is a total personal choice obviously and, in theory, I’m talking about the running around. Of course I wouldn’t marry a dog! I am just saying that the engagement ring tends to be a symbol of status. And, I personally am not down with symbols of status. If you love jewelry then go for it, I guess. On a personal level, it’d mean more if someone put that money in a savings bond for me or bought me some first edition, signed Charles Bukowski book as a “Will you marry me?” But, you know, I’m weird.

  6. Not to mention, what if I ask some guy to marry me? Then, like, would I buy HIM an engagement ring? I am not above asking someone myself – I have a sense of personal sovereignty. 😉

  7. And, on a side note…


  8. yeah, see, i want a diamond ring because i think they are pretty, but i dont want to be married at all. HAHA.

  9. What A Wonderful Blog Post…

    [..] I saw this really great post today and I wanted to link to it. [..]…

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