I had my first session with a personal trainer on Thursday. They were having a special at my gym, and I had money from Christmas, so I decided to go for it, as I had hit a plateau and needed some further assistance.

It was a good session. She suggested that I may be eating too much soy. Apparently soy ups your estrogen levels, so even if you ARE building muscle, it’s soft, fluffy muscle ( I may be paraphrasing a bit.) Anyways, I’m going to start taking a special vegan multivitamin, and obviously doing the weights and exercise regime. I have high hopes.

I’ve been very on edge lately, mostly out of loneliness and lack of things to do. No work on the horizon, not even any interviews for about 2 months. I’m not in school right now, and my friends are all busy with assorted things. I find myself antsy and depressed, and then ultimately angry at myself, others, the universe for feeling that way, though I try my best to not take it out on others, but only out on myself (stress smoking, mostly.)

This is a lull, I know this. I know (or pray) that it will not always be like this even for long. So for now I try to keep myself sane by focusing on the things to come.

* School starting, taking classes leading to a field I might actually be interested in and (gasp) good at. I think a good portion of my anxiousness is the feeling that I’m not DOING anything, not accomplishing anything.

* Now that the new year is under way, there will be more parties and get togethers.

* Chinese New Year. I’m not a horribly superstitious person, but this upcoming year is the year of the Ox. MY YEAR. I could certainly use a string of good luck right now, and, who knows, maybe it is mind over matter, but there is a part of me that thinks that maybe after the 26th…thinks will be coming up Allison just a little more. If nothing else, maybe I’ll just be a little bit happier.


~ by Alli on Sunday, January 25, 2009.

2 Responses to “stalled.”

  1. “but there is a part of me that thinks that maybe after the 26th…thinks will be coming up Allison just a little more.”

    Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life.


  2. When did you start smoking?

    …It sounds like you could use a hobby outside of reading and exercise. I hear spelunking’s fun.

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