fear and loathing in north hollywood

“Fear and Loathing” is not a good book to read when you are a) slightly depressed b) mildy buzzed (2 stress cigarettes leave me feeling a bit…”buzzy”, since I rarely smoke or c)feeling at all off, or not in control of your life.

I am currently all 3.

This has been a feeling that I have been battling intermidetly for the last couple months. And while there are certain factors, I’m a little at a loss for why I’ve been feeling this way, when I look back on posts from just a few months ago, which are full of praise and love and excitement about what would come next.

What happened? I’m still working, I still love my place (even more so as I make it more and more my own), I still have a pretty active social life, I’m FINALLY taking the classes that may lead me to what could maybe be my career…but that excitement, that feeling of badass-edness is gone. I find myself stressed and just generally unsettled and not that happy.

I sleep a lot. It may be the heat…or because being awake leaves me alone with my anxiety.

I could write more…but my own thoughts on the subject are not well formed enough to subject all of you to them. For now, I will attempt to force myself into a better mood (sing a song, text a joke, take a long shower), power read through the rest of “Loathing”, as it certainly isn’t helping my particular feeling of oddness, and walk into tomorrow with a renewed sense of…optimism.

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~ by Alli on Monday, September 7, 2009.

One Response to “fear and loathing in north hollywood”

  1. Here you go, lady!

    http://www.bpdrecovery.com/modules.php?name=Content&pa=showpage&pid=5

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