*thumbs up*

I am kicking todays ass. Or rather, I’m not letting it kick mine.

Today was insane at work
It started right at 9. Meaning, I walked into the door, and it was just BAM, the races start
Still I smile.

Then I found out that my car was a total loss. I loved that car. And I HATE car shopping. And…yeah.

But after an hour of being a tad grumpy, I pulled myself back. And did some research. And called some people. And I feel a bit more in control of the whole car buying part (and I’m getting a pretty decent amount from the insurance company, after haggling with them a bit, so thats nice.)

I continue about my day. It’s stressful and busy and I’m being pulled in a million different directions, and my adorable heels are absolutely killing my feet.

Still I smile.

I drive to school, excited about class and feeling confident about and proud of my latest project. The heels are off. Traffic is smooth. I’m driving more carefully these days.

Then my mother calls, to pick a fight with me and subsequently hang up on me. Normally, that would put me in a foul mood for the rest of the evening. But I brushed it off, went into class, and enjoyed myself for the rest of the evening.

This is the first time in what feels like a long time that a bad day HASN’T knocked me down for the count. It’s nice. I feel content, and productive (if a tad insomniac-like, as it’s 12:15 am right now and I have to be up in 6 and a half hours).

I feel like I have a grasp on things, at least more so than I did for the past few weeks, feeling like everything I needed or wanted was just past my reach. So many balls in the air…they are still in the air…but maybe they are heading towards the ground a little bit more slowly. It’s a nice feeling.

Sometimes I forget that I’ve dealt with this before. While even though the kindness and generous nature of friends and family has helped me a great deal in my life…the majority of what I have, of what I have accomplished, the steps that I have made to better myself (going back to school, reaching for that better paying job, going vegan, going back to therapy, etc.) have been because of me. Me alone. I’ve handled a lot of crazy shit in my short life, and have bounced back time and time and time again, no matter how many times events and people have tried to bring me down.

I CAN DO THIS.

I plan on feeling this way for awhile.

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~ by Alli on Friday, October 2, 2009.

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