and as long as you live it

When I was 20, my mother sent me this, after the first time I got my heart broken (though it would be broken again, and again after that…ahhh young love).

This has become my motto.  Not the essay itself, but the ideas behind it.  I even got into a debate with an acquaintance a few weeks ago when they called me “overly picky” when it came to dating (it’s called “not settling”, jackass).

It Is Better To Be Alone, Than In The Wrong Company

* Tell me who your best friends are, and I will tell you who you are.

* If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl. But, if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights.

*”A mirror reflects a mans face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses.”

*The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate for the good and the bad. The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve.

* Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people. As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are. Friends that don’t help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don’t increase you will eventually decrease you.

*Consider this: Never receive counsel from unproductive people.

Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how.

Not everyone has a right to speak into your life. You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person.

Dont follow anyone whos not going anywhere. With some people you spend an evening: with others you invest it

Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life. Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships.

Haley and I discuss this constantly.  As people who have both fallen victim to staying in years-long relationships that simply didn’t work, and that we stayed in because we were scared/young/didn’t know any better.  I personally, don’t so much regret the time spent in the relationship as much as what I let myself turn into.  I loved my boyfriend immensely, and probably always will on some level, and being with him as long as I did was a learning experience if nothing else.  But I regret letting myself turn into the pathetic, weak willed, nutcase that I was, instead of the independent, strong willed nutcase I am now 😉

Another good friend of mine just recently broke up with her on and off boyfriend of 6 years, this time for good.  Remembering all too well how irritating it felt to have people giving advice or even saying “good riddance”, I have simply tried to share with her all the happiness I felt when I no longer felt chained to a sinking ship.  How, despite being heartbroken over losing my first love, I felt invigorated with the independence and possibility that lay before me.  I think she is starting to feel the same way as well.

It’s one thing to be picky…it’s another thing to settle for less than you deserve (and that goes for all human relationships – So and so may be a very nice person, but if you don’t enjoy their company or feel like you gain anything from the relationship…why?  That doesn’t mean be a jackass and cut people off.  Thats what “acquaintances” are for.  But if you are going to invest time, energy, love…you have to wonder if it is worth it.

H sent me “If You Forget Me” by Pablo Neruda the other day, and I can’t get it out of my mind, and think its fits nicely with what I have been saying(it’s slightly edited, click the hyperlink above for the full poem)…

I want you to know
one thing.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Sadly, I feel that, I am still lacking in this area.  While I make it a point to not be taken advantage of others, and keep the clutter in the form of people in my life to a minimum… to keep around those who love me, the ones that when I hug, they will hug back, that put in as much into the friendship/relationship as I do…I do, sometimes keep trying.  Occasionally my “love” does not feed on their love, but on my wishes and hopes and sometimes good old fashioned denial.  Occasionally, my roots do not set off for other land, but set up camp in the hopes that the person and/or their affection for me returns.  Occasionally, it pays off……..Most of the time, it does not.

~ by Alli on Saturday, December 5, 2009.

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