gasp

WARNING: WHINY PATHETIC ALLISON POST AHEAD

I had this tiny whimsical post about random crap (how one spends their day without speaking a word, etc. ..) but all I want do is whine.

My throat is getting worse. It always seems to get worse at night, probably because that seems to be when I a) actually eat something and b) break the no talking rule (even though at this point, its barely a whisper.
You know how, when you mouth along to the words to a song, you still actually say the words, a little bit, so quietly that no one other than yourself can hear? That’s what my version of “talking” is, and I shouldn’t even be doing that). I had a job interview scheduled for Monday, and even after I started to lose my voice, I still intended to go, figuring that canceling would just make me look like another flaky 20-something with a bag full of ready made excuses, and me going would, if nothing else, impress them with my “moxy”. But I can’t even croak (I aspire to croak, at this point), so I have to have my roommate call them to cancel and hopefully reschedule.

At night, I get the horrible coughing/choking fits, which just make my larynx more inflamed, which makes it harder and harder to breathe. I take these quick, shallow breaths, which end up making me light headed…the coughing itself actually sounds like moaning or sobbing…it might be the most pathetic thing someone could witness. I can’t take a large drink of water without choking, hell, I find myself drooling without realizing it, because all my saliva isnt making its way down my throat like it’s supposed to.

(Men, you think this is sexy? I’m also unemployed, stubborn, and have major trust issues. Call me. Rawr.)

All last week when I was sick, I barely said boo to anyone. Didn’t whine, didn’t bring it up much, just sucked it up, took care of myself and got better (or so I thought). But now all I want to is bitch and whine and tell SOMEONE how shitty I feel and how much my throat hurts sometimes, and how the whole “gasping for breath at any given moment” thing is getting REALLY fucking old. Ironically, there is nothing anyone can really do. I still have energy, and can (with the exception of talking) do everything I normally do fine.
I don’t need any medicine, a backrub won’t help my recovery, I can’t even really enjoy company much because it’s too tempting to talk (though I’ve taken to carrying paper and a pen with me at all times a la the Ellen Jamesions from “Garp”). Even a dr wouldn’t be able to do much other than confirm a diagnosis, and tell me to rest my voice, etc (though if it continues to get worse, or doesn’t improve in 2-3 days, I’ll have to go just in order to make sure it’s not more serious).

Haley is bringing me comfort food at some point this week, and my roommate, god bless him, bought me TWO different cartons of vegan ice cream when I couldn’t decide on a flavor AND groceries for me to make myself some chicken-less noodle soup. But other than that, there’s nothing anyone can do. So, really, any and all whining is basically me just…well..really wanting to bitch about just HOW MUCH this sucks and how shitty I feel. Hopefully this will have provided me with an outlet.

BTW, to the people I actually know who read this, do any of you have a humidifier I can borrow? If I get my refund check this week, I’m going to Target and buying one. I seem to remember them having a cheap one that ALSO happens to be shaped like a penguin.

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~ by Alli on Monday, January 11, 2010.

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