it’s about to get ghey up in here…

the other day, when driving her on some errands after her surgery, I was talking to my mom about relationships… I don’t remember what specifically brought up this topic (probably how her long-term boyfriend and I HANDLE all her surgeries), but it came down to your partner being calm when you freak out, and vice versa.   And I turned to mom and said

“That’s what love is.  ANY kind of love.  Romance, family, friendship… it comes down to you taking care of that other person when they can’t do it themselves.  Being angry when they are too calm.  Being calm when they are too crazy.  Taking some of the weight.  Because you know, at the end of the day, when its your turn to go crazy, they’ll be there.  Full of sanity and patience and compassion.  That’s ALL love is, as far as I’m concerned.  The rest is just details.”

I am very fortunate to have 2 such people in my life.  And no, neither of them are my boyfriend, ha.

Haley and Tera, my two best friends

high school, my sophomore year, her junior year

I’ve known Tera since freshman year of high school, and we always just…got each other.  Long before she became one of the closest people to me, we still always had such an easy way of communicating, I’ve never really questioned it.  She lives about 40 miles away and works a lot, so we don’t get to see each other a ton.  And sometimes will even go a week without talking if we are both busy.  But we pick up where we left off.  And we can text or call each other without reservation if something is wrong.  Despite the fact that we are actually quite different in the way that we handle things, view situations…we both respect and appreciate the different insight we gain from each other.

Haley is someone who I’ve only known for the last 2 years, but quickly became one of my closest friends.  She and I both have had experience with dealing with a lot of difficulties at a young age.  I think that’s initially a big part of why we became friends, because neither of us had met many people our own age who had been taking care of themselves for a long time already.  This mutual respect came first, and then the friendship came later (in true backwards form, being rather fitting for our friendship).  She came into my life when everything in my world was changing, and for a while for a long time she had her own walls up (I had to EARN that best friend badge!  lol) she is now such a huge facet of my life, in addition to being one of my biggest supporters. I can honestly say I don’t really know what I would do without her.

They’re both wonderful, loyal friends, not to mention that we pretty much always have a ridiculous amount of fun together, no matter what we are doing (Tera and I spending hours at Target, me and Haley sitting on her floor and playing with her cats).  Yet,they are both responsible, intelligent, mature and wise.  It’s a fortunate thing to have a relationship where both are encompassed equally well).

Halloween, 2008, on our way to see Sante Sangre

too much wine in March of '09

I know they love me (despite of, and occasionally even because of, my faults), and they know I love them.  There is a really safe feeling in that knowledge, to know that if you act like a jackass, are too busy to talk, or even get into a fight…the other isn’t going anywhere.  I’ve had my fair share of full-on fights with both of them.  But I felt safe in doing so, because I knew that, eventually, when we cooled off, we could have a reasonable discussion, and respect each other enough to hear the other out.

Additionally, which leads me to the point of this post:  we take care of each other.

This past month has been a rough one for myself and Haley. Both of us, have at one point, broken down in tears during a conversation with the other.  And for a while, I was making it my full-time job (since I don’t have a real one these days :/ ) to be there for her as best I could.  Seeing someone you care about in a lot of pain can take a toll on a person, and that, plus a plethora of my own personal issues and stresses, caused me to break down.  Hard.  And just like that, the roles were reversed, and she was my caretaker, not only trying to cheer me up, but actively trying to find ways to help me with some of the things I was stressed about.  We’re both doing a little better (though in total agreement that May can ABSOLUTELY kiss our collective ass).  The caretaker role flip-flops a great deal these days.

And it occurred to me, as I was talking to my mom about what I believed love to be, that part of what makes that love, is the simplicity of the transition.  It takes a certain level of selflessness to not consciously go “Oh, ok, we’re talking about you now?”, but care enough about what the other person has to say, that THAT is where your attention goes, because that’s not only how much you respect them, but how much you care about them.  How many of us can say we have a relationship like that with anyone outside of family?

I realized after talking to my mother, that the whole time I was dispensing my “wisdom” on love, I was describing my years long friendship with Tera, which has contained a great deal of…well, life, that we had helped each other through.  Family issues, heartbreak…we’d seen each other through a lot.  And it was exactly what Haley and I had been doing the previous week, though in an albeit more condensed form, heh.  (Seriously.  May 2010 can go straight to hell)

In both friendships, one of us will be hurting or upset at the beginning of the day (or sometimes just the beginning of the conversation), and when the other one needs to talk about THEIR stuff, it usually switches.  I never feel like I’m not being listened to, or she is trying to make it “all about her”.

Obviously, there are a myriad of reasons why I love these two, and laying out their million amazing attributes 🙂 is another post for another time ).  I could lay out memories and stories, or even example after example of ways they have gone above and beyond for me, but that post would be very long.  And for all of the similarities mentioned here, my friendship with Tera is very different than the one I have with Haley.  But what they do have in common is that both relationships are those of equals,  and full of mutual respect and admiration for the other.

Well, and awesome people 😉

~ by Alli on Thursday, May 27, 2010.

One Response to “it’s about to get ghey up in here…”

  1. YOu are soooo ghey

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